Eyona Uthethathethwano Nalu ixesha olude kangakanani ngaphambi kokuba uhlanganyele

Nalu ixesha olude kangakanani ngaphambi kokuba uhlanganyele

Kungekudala ngokukhawuleza? Isibini siyazibandakanya eAtlanta I-Oak + yePine Photography
  • URachel Torgerson yintatheli esekwe eNew York kunye nochwephesha kwimidiya yoluntu.
  • URachel nguMhleli oMkhulu weFashoni kwiCosmopolitan.
  • URachel wasebenzela iKnot njengoMhleli oNcedisayo noMncedisi woHlelo.
Ukuhlaziywa kwe-Dec 17, 2020

Ngokuqinisekileyo, uyaphapha engqondweni, uyanyibilika entliziyweni ngothando, kodwa kukho ingxaki encinci. Umazi umntu kangangeenyanga ezimbalwa okanye mhlawumbi iiveki ezimbalwa. Nobabini niva iintsimbi zomtshato, kodwa ziyaphambana, akunjalo? Ingqondo yakho ikuxelela ukuba kufuneka ulinde, kodwa intliziyo yakho… intliziyo yakho ifuna ukuhamba ngokukhawuleza ukuze ukwazi ukuqala ngonaphakade. Ke, ngaba uyakuthanda ukunxila, okanye ngaba intliziyo yakho ikuxelela inyani enzulu? Ngaba kungekudala uza kwenza isindululo?

Ufanele Ude Ixesha elingakanani Ngaphambi Kokuzibandakanya?

Oku kusenokungothusi, kodwa akukho ngcaciso yokuba yintoni 'eqhelekileyo' xa kuziwa kumbuzo othi 'kufanele uthandane ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokuba utshate?' Iimpendulo zinokwahluka ukusuka kumashumi eminyaka yokuthandana ukuya kwiintsuku ezine (wow!).



Isinxibo somtshato esisesikweni seendwendwe

Nangona wonke umntu-abazali bakho kunye namalungu osapho owandisiweyo kunye nabahlobo-baya kuba noluvo ngalo mbandela, ukusuka 'Ungxama ngokukhawuleza!' 'Kuthathe ixesha elide ukuba acele — uqinisekile?' akukho fomula yomlingo. Nguwe kuphela onokwazi xa sele ukulungele ukuthatha inyathelo elilandelayo.

Zinike ixesha lokwazi iqabane lakho ngamaxesha amnandi nangalunganga

Njengesiseko, UIan Kerner , I-PhD, i-LMFT, ugqirha wezengqondo onelayisensi, ingcali kwezonyango kunye nombhali we-She Comes First, ucebisa ukuba unyaka omnye ukuya kwemibini lixesha elifanelekileyo ukuza kuthi ga ngoku ngaphambi komtshato.

'Ndisebenzile uninzi lwezibini ezinolwalamano oluqinileyo, kwaye badibana kwaye bathandana ngokukhawuleza kwaye babazi ngokwenene abahlobo kunye nosapho,' utshilo uKerner. 'Baye baziva ukuba kunjani ukuhlala kunye okanye ukuchitha ixesha elininzi kunye, ukuya kwimiba ethile yomjikelo wobomi, njengokulahleka kwelungu losapho okanye ukulahleka kobuhlobo, okanye ukuya emtshatweni okanye Umngcwabo kunye nokubona ngokwenene kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo kwaye uzive ngathi ngumdlalo olungileyo. Kwaye ngokubanzi, oko kunokwenzeka ngonyaka ... Ufuna ukuba neengxaki ezivelayo kwaye ubone indlela ohlangabezana ngayo neengxaki kunye. Kum, ngakumbi malunga noluhlu lwamava abolekisa ukuhambelana endaweni yexesha.
Njengokuba uzibuza ukuba kungekudala uza kuqala ukuthetha ngomtshato neqabane lakho, cinga ngawo onke amava eniye nawabelana ngawo. Ngaba ukhe wajongana nemiceli mngeni yobomi kunye? Ngaba ubabonile kwelona liphezulu? Unalo ixesha lokufunda malunga nosapho lwabo kunye nemvelaphi yabo? Ngaba uyawazi amandla neziphene zabo?
Akukho xesha libekiweyo lokufumana la mava. Unokufunda okuninzi malunga nomntu ngokukhawuleza, ngakumbi ukuba uchitha ixesha elininzi kunye. Ngenye indlela, unokuthandana nomntu kangangeenyanga kunye neminyaka kwaye ungafane umbe phantsi komhlaba.



Ngaba Unxibelelana Kangakanani?

UTammy Nelson , I-PhD, ulwalamano olunelayisensi, isini ngesini esiqinisekisiweyo kunye nombhali weNew Monogamy kunye nokufumana isondo osifunayo, ikwakholelwa ukuba ngelixa imeko yesibini ngasinye yahlukile, kubalulekile ukuba ufunde indlela yokunxibelelana xa unengxabano, kunokuba jolisa kwixesha elibekiweyo.

iipateni zokwakheka kwesilingi

UNelson uthi: 'Izibini ezininzi zilinda de zikulungele ukuba nabantwana, okanye ukulungela ukuthenga indlu ngaphambi kokuba zitshate. 'Akukho' oqhelekileyo. ' Abalingane banokuba nolindelo olungagungqiyo kubude bokuzibandakanya obusekwe kwiintsapho zabo, inkcubeko yabo kunye noluntu lwabo. Ngamanye amaxesha oku kwahlukile kwiqabane ngalinye, kwaye ukuba alixoxwanga ngokubonakalayo ngendlela ecacileyo, kungakhokelela kukungaqondani. '
Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba kungekudala uza kwenza isindululo, thatha inyathelo ubuye umva kwaye uqiniseke ukuba wena neqabane lakho nibe nazo ezo ncoko zibalulekileyo. Uya kufuna ukwazi ulindelo lweqabane lakho kubudlelwane bakho. Ngoku lingalixesha elifanelekileyo lokuba uxoxe ngokuba uyafuna na ukuba nabantwana, ukuba niyiphatha kanjani imali kunye nobabini nifuna ntoni ngekamva lenu.

Ngaba udlulile kwisigaba 'sothando'?

Inye into ekufuneka uyithathele ingqalelo ukuba ukhathazekile ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buhamba ngokukhawuleza kakhulu kukuba usenokuba kwisigaba sokuqala sothando. Uyayazi le nto sithetha ngayo. Kulapho ungakwazi ukucima loo grog ebusweni bakho, xa yonke into eyenziwa liqabane lakho ifezekile kwaye inemilingo ngaxeshanye.



UGqirha Nelson uyacacisa, 'Akukho xesha libekiweyo xa abantu abathandanayo kufuneka bathandane ngaphambi komtshato, kodwa umthetho kuwo nawuphi na umtshato owonwabisayo kunye nophumelelayo kukukuqonda oku-zonke izibini zihamba' kwinqanaba lothando '. Oku kuhlala naphi na ukusuka kwiintsuku ezi-2 ukuya kwiinyanga ezingama-26, emva koko esi sibini siza kungena kumzabalazo wamandla okanye isigaba sengxabano sobudlelwane babo. Yindalo le kwaye iya kuhlala ixesha elide emtshatweni wakho, okanye ngonaphakade (iindaba ezimbi). Iindaba ezimnandi-ngonxibelelwano olucingisisiweyo kunye nokucwangciswa, umtshato ophumelelayo uthetha ukuba ungquzulwano alunakuphepheka (alunabungqina bokuba ulomtshato oza kuhlala ixesha elide), kodwa indlela oyilungisa ngayo ingxabano ibaluleke kakhulu. Nokuba niyabandakanyeka, nihlala kunye okanye nitshatile, sebenzelani ukulungisa ukungavisisani, ukudala unxibelelwano olusempilweni kwaye ubudlelwane benu buya kuhlala ubomi benu bonke. '

Ewe kunjalo, akunamsebenzi nokuba ulinde iminyaka emihlanu okanye iinyanga ezintlanu ukuba ubandakanyeke. Xa kuziwa kumbuzo wokuba ufanele uthandane ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokuganana, elona candelo libalulekileyo kukuba uzibophelele ngokuzithemba omnye komnye. Uyavuma okanye awuvumelani?

Andiqinisekanga ukuba uqala phi ngokucwangcisa umtshato? Thatha i-Quiz yethu yeSitayile kwaye siza kudibanisa umbono womtshato wesiko kunye nabathengisi bokutshatisa, ukulungiselela wena kuphela. Emva koko, yakha iwebhusayithi yasimahla, eyenzelwe wena yomtshato ukugcina iindwendwe zakho zinolwazi (kwaye ziyavuya!) Malunga nezicwangciso zakho, kunye nomphathi woLuhlu lweeNdwendwe olonga ixesha ukulungiselela abantu bakho. Kanangcono? Unokuvumelanisa umphathi wakho woluhlu lweendwendwe kunye newebhusayithi yomtshato ukuze uhlaziye yonke into ngaxeshanye.